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[28 Oct 2009|11:39am] |
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i have gone too far to turn back now. maybe if i hitchhike back, it would be easier restore all the damage....no no, that wont work. maybe.. i can keep walking on this long, hot road to see what i run into; i will never know unless i try. my shoes will get warn down and i will turn weak, i'm pretty sure more than once which is something i will have to work on. in any case, i am wearing very warm pajama pants...that smell so good.
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| just being honnest. |
[24 Oct 2009|09:50am] |
i feel like i am about to do something that is going to make me unhappy and i wont have any control over it. life isn't bad. i have Jon hounding me about his feelings toward me everyday; mentioning that is the last time he is going to mention "us". i have Taylar holding onto my legs everywhere i go in fear that i am going to leave her again. i have my friends remind me that i'm going nowhere is life because i haven't furthered my education and have two jobs that recently haven't been making the few bills that i have. the few good things i have going on in my life i can't even mention. i have a private journal to write in to let out the things i always hold in, good and bad encounters, so i wont go off on some random person out of stress. but i have been so busy i can't even write in it. i wish therapists weren't so expensive......
this entry is stupid.
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[15 Oct 2009|08:48am] |
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i have had three people this month tell me they were going to take me to sign up for classes and i ditched two of them on the day we were going to go. and i just might end up ditching the other one too. what the fuck is up with me?! okay, drive to my house, pick Taylar and me up (we'll figure out where to put Taylar), and take me. don't even let me know you're coming because i will just tell you i am on my way to work or something. i need to stop sucking at life.
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[28 Sep 2009|08:31am] |
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i woke up this morning in a wonderful mood. Taylar woke me up, she showed me a picture of her and jon and saying daddy and kissing the picture. She handed me my glasses, which means "okay you have to get up. I want breakfast." when i put on my glasses i hear the wind coming from my window. I look and what i saw was two sets of trees, very close together. The sun shining from the east, giving one side of both trees a gold/brown color and the other side a bright green color. i closed my eyes, took a deep breath to absorb all the beauty of what i just saw. Now i have anxiety.
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[25 Sep 2009|09:10am] |
why did i decide to go to Florida in October? haha.. it is hard to get days off this time of year because of the flights' schedules. good news..they are hiring a bunch of new people.. i already don't like one of them but hopefully they will step up their game because we don't need people that don't want to do the work and they are my ticket to Vacation.
Sprout is so awesome.
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[17 Sep 2009|11:07pm] |
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i don't know about this facebook....
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[14 Sep 2009|10:34am] |
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How is everyone doing?
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[13 Sep 2009|09:38am] |
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
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[11 Sep 2009|09:41am] |
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i just got really sad, panicky, anxious, angry, and.....well, turned on out of nowhere. i think it is because i need a cigarette. wow, that can't be good. i am going to put Taylar down for a nap so i can smoke and stop feeling this way. it hurts...a lot.
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[05 Sep 2009|12:07pm] |
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how can someone hurt a child? really? every person being charged for child abuse should be shot. wait, not just shot. they should have a loaded gun pointed at their head with the string tied around the trigger of one end and the other end tied around a brick sitting half way on top of a old, rotted away piece of wood nailed into a wall. so they can suffer from the wait of their death. because they're nothing in the world... fucking idiots.
fuck.. why does Aunt Bunnie make me watch this shit?
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[31 Aug 2009|08:56am] |
*September 24...Thursday...6:30pm...Saint Andrew's Hall.
*October 2...Brand New with Manchester Orchestra....8:00pm..The Fillmore
*October 8...Hit the Lights...6:00pm...Frankies in Toledo, OH
*October 25...Murder by Death..9:00pm...Frankies in Toledo, OH
*November 6...The Black Heart Procession with Thunderbirds Are Now! , Bellini , Prus...7:00pm... The Crofoot Ballroom in Pontiac, MI
*September 15...Regina Spektor...7:30pm...Michigan Theater
the shows i want to see.. but need someone to see them with. the people i hang out with don't listen to this kind of music let alone know about any of these bands. let me know if you're interested.
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[30 Aug 2009|08:44am] |
i am upset that they replaced Heritage Perk with some little diner. today would be the perfect day to go up there. i would walk up there; it is stupid to waste the gas, order a large Thai Tea and eat a piece of their wonderful chocolate cake and read a book or the coffee news. oh the good ol' days.
has anyone been to that new place? i don't even know what it is called.
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[28 Aug 2009|11:02am] |
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do you know who i miss seeing? Kevin.
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| pretty neat |
[27 Aug 2009|10:57pm] |
this squirrel just out in front of me while i was walking and stood there staring at me. i was honestly waiting for it to attack. once i realized it was safe i took out my camera and started taking pictures. i was going to get a ground shot but i wasn't sure how well its trust was in me; i didn't want to risk it. when i put my camera away, he walked away.
( squirrel )
( while you're here )
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| this sucks |
[27 Aug 2009|09:04pm] |
i want to move out of my parents house so bad it hurts all over every time i think about it. but i can't afford to move out on my own and what kind of person would want me and a baby living with them? i think i am going to give in and sign up for the welfare houses. i hate relying on the government to help me out. :(
now, who wants to sign me up for school? this year would be year four of college if i started right out of school. what am i doing with my life?
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[15 Aug 2009|02:51pm] |
THEY ATE TAYLAR'S CHICKEN NUGGETS!
she had two out of a bag of thirty.
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[14 Aug 2009|11:20am] |
i hate when my uncle's family comes to visit from the U.P. they come unannounced for starters. they mention they are coming when they are already packed and in the car. you obviously plan the trip so why can't you tell us when the idea comes up? my uncle wont say no, we just want a heads up. when they walk in, they act like the own the place. i never get a "hi Stevie, how have you and Taylar been?" last night they walked in with lite cigarettes. i am surprised my uncle told them there is no smoking in the house. Taylar has been her for over a year, they should know by now when Taylar is here you smoke outside. that is the only privilege i get in this house. so learn it, live it, and fucking respect it! when they come we have to rearrange the house; this person is sleeping here with this person, that person is sleeping on the floor so we have to make sure we have enough blankets. and Albert always comes with them and that kid can eat! i understand he is a growing guy but at 13... contain yourself! my poor uncle always thinks he has to entertain, so he has to get up early (which he never does anything anyway; he is jobless) and cook everyone what they want for breakfast, then again for dinner.
and Little AL. his grandpa makes it noticeable that is favors his other grandchildern more than him. they came down to go school shopping so you know Little Al is going to want to go. i went to work so i am not sure if he went with them, he might of, but either way, i am sure he isn't getting anything. and if he is, it will be one shirt that he had to beg for. then again, my uncle might have given him some money. point being, his grandpa wouldn't get him shit. every time they come, Al always gets giped. when they want to go to Chuckie Cheese's; he doesn't even like that place anymore but because they are going, he want to go. because my aunt and uncle know it is his Grandpa's treat to the other grandkids, his parents tell him he can't go. i don't even like the kid and i feel bad.
Motley Crew is coming tomorrow, my uncle's brother is coming down from the same place (the U.P) to go to the show with my aunt, uncle and a couple of their friends. which is no big deal, he isn't bringing anymore kids and he is a easy going guy. plus, it was planned. i wanted to go to that show so bad, but i don't have anymore to watch Taylar and the ticket is crazy expensive. well, considering i want to see only Motley it is too much money. i don't care for the other bands that are playing so i figured it is better to save my money. they have just about on the stage, playing the music with them seats too. plus, they are all taking a bus there and all you can drink...drinks. so they are going to get wasted, listen to Motley and get a bus ride home while they drink some more. fun fun fun.
one more this. today was my last day at the Dollar Tree. they all said they were going to miss me and that i was one of the hardest and most polite workers they have had in a really long time. so i told them if they ever needed any help and during the holidays i will come back.
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[26 Jul 2009|08:36am] |
i sang karaoke for the first time last night. Beth, Jon and I sang i've got friends by Garth Brooks. hahaha.
p.s i am attempting to put my two weeks in at the dollar tree. i should have been done with week one but my boss hasn't been around for me to mention it to her. i have only told one of the managers. wtf.
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[17 Jul 2009|12:08pm] |
i let my grandparents borrow my car for the next three days to take my great-grandmother to see her sisters' in PA (we don't think she will much it much longer). i miss my car already. i have been driving the black Taurus and let me tell you, to compare, my car is so much better.
also, i have been waking up late for the Dollar Tree a lot lately. how long have i been there....three months? i have been late four times. that is not like me at all. i am getting frustrated with myself. i need an alarm clock; my phone just isn't cutting it.
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